Lizzy van der Ligt (29): “My pregnancy is not a fairytale”

They almost met 5 years ago at the opening of the new Levi’s flagship store in Amsterdam. Almost. Both were booked already, but Lizzy was ill that day. They got to talking via Facebook after all. She was in her pajamas on the couch, he came to pick her up for coffee and never left. “I allowed a stranger into my home. Thankfully I did, because he turned out to be amazing and he still is.” Lizzy has a dream to be a young mother. “I have very good contact with my mother and grandmother. They both became mothers young, my mother was 24 and grandmother 18. I think it is so nice that they are still so young and hip now, I want that for my child too.”

“To be a young mom is my dream”

Yuki also liked the idea and so three years ago - Lizzy was 27 at the time - they made a deal: one more wild summer and then it was going to happen. Things didn’t go as planned. “Getting pregnant seemed like such a chill idea to me. We would do that within a couple of weeks. It would be like going to the supermarket and buying some bananas, that’s how easy I thought it would be. Just check every now and then when you ovulate and if our killer work schedule allowed it -Yuk and I spent about half the time before corona on a plane or in a hotel somewhere far away- we made a lazy attempt. After a few months we succeeded, right before I went on a dream trip to Japan with my father.”

“Obviously, I was incredibly happy, I was just also a little bummed out that I wouldn’t be able to eat raw fish or drink cocktails together with my dad. But due to my pregnancy the trip became so special. We went to temples built specifically for pregnant women and my dad made photos of me with my hands on my 9 week pregnant belly. It was all so special. Right after I got back we went to the second ultrasound. The sonographer immediately saw that there was no heartbeat. Yuk and I just looked at each other and neither of us dared to say anything. I didn’t want to cry in front of everybody, all I wanted to do was leave. It felt like all of my emotions had left my body.”

“The sonographer immediately saw that there was no heartbeat”

“There was supposed to be something in my belly that was alive; I just couldn’t believe that this had happened. Cry it out and move on as quickly as possible, that's what I wanted to do. However, there was no place at my regular hospital to have it removed at short notice. That caused panic, because I didn’t want to continue to carry this for another three weeks. I still felt so pregnant, had massive boobs and weird cravings. Thankfully, there was a spot in another hospital. They didn’t recommend a surgical abortion, because of the risk of scar tissue, which can get in the way of a subsequent pregnancy. That’s why it was decided to induce labor with pills.”

“I had read that, because of the pills, the body would reject it and that it would feel like a heavy period. 24 hours after taking them I got a lot of stomach cramps and I had a really heavy period. It was really scary. There was so much blood, it seemed like I would bleed to death. Fortunately, that didn’t last long. Unfortunately, not everything was gone and so I had to repeat the entire procedure: pills, stomach cramps, heavy bleeding.”

“My gynecologist didn’t have better news for me the second time around: there were still some remnants left. All kinds of checkups followed at several gynecologists and they all said something else. A keyhole surgery was suggested, where they would make a small incision in my belly and they would surgically remove the last bit. My obstetrician warned me against it: it would leave a scar which would always remind me of the miscarriage. I thought that was a horrible prospect.” 

“I started smoking again, drinking again and partying again”

“We tried the pills again. This time it was successful. It eventually took a total of 3 months before things settled down and I got my period back to normal. I felt like a failure of a woman. I didn’t succeed in making a baby and I wasn’t allowed to have sex for all those months. Why would Yuki stay with me? That was nonsense, of course, because I knew he didn’t think like that. Yuki was always positive, he kept telling me that everything would be alright and that we would have the most beautiful child in the world. But after that, it just didn’t work out. I couldn’t let it go, I wanted it so badly. Yuki said: ‘you jinxed it.’ In a way, he was right.”

“More than a year later, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked for help from my GP. They were positive, because I had been pregnant before and so I was fertile. We qualified for fertility treatment, but the waiting list was 5 months. Then Covid came and it seemed like we would never get our turn at all. My dream of becoming a young mother shattered piece by piece.

“The most beautiful child in the world”

“Fortunately, I was able to do an intake over the phone with the gynecologist who would guide me. That honestly made me feel a lot better, just the idea that I was being heard was nice. My sister had googled that doctor and it turned out he had been a doctor since 1990. So he had been specializing in making babies since the year I was born! I thought ‘he is going to give me a baby.’ In the meantime, we were able to get a few tests to see if I had a fibroid or endometriosis. Neither was the case. Yuki handed in a jar and everything was fine there too. I was so happy that things were moving forward again and let go of all the tension. I started smoking again, drinking again, partying again. And then suddenly I was pregnant. Pregnant!”

“I cried really hard by myself. It felt like a burden fell off my shoulders. Off everyone’s shoulders actually, because I had been so sad all the time. Because of my difficulties getting pregnant, my cousin and sister-in-law thought it might take longer with them too. So they had stopped taking the pill in the meantime and both got pregnant very quickly. I wanted that for them, but it was so difficult.”

“I’m looking forward to our Villa Villekulla life”

“Yesterday we went to the 20 week ultrasound. We saw our little person, our baby! It’s suddenly all going so quickly. Everything is looking good, which is nice. It’s so amazing what they can see on an ultrasound these days. This is definitely not a carefree pregnancy, but it is a happy one. My miscarriage has found a place in our lives and now we mostly look towards the future. I’m looking forward to our Villa Villekulla life with a dog and a cat running around, and soon a baby as well. For me it was very nice that Yuki was so positive. I thought: ‘if he can do it, I should be able to do it too.’ If he had sat down next to me to cry, we both would have ended up in a negative spiral. Now that it all worked out we talked about it again. He told me he wasn't actually positive at all, but didn't want to make me even sadder. This man is extremely sweet. So, it is a fairy tale after all, haha!”

Note: In 2023 Lizzy and Yuki welcomed a second daughter into their lifes.