Unwanted pregnancy: Martine talks about her abortion experience
Committing abortion for an unwanted pregnancy is the only medical treatment in the Netherlands that is still in the Code of Criminal Procedure. As if it were a criminal act. Cycle believes that having an abortion should not be accompanied by shame. Talk about your abortion! With you, an average of 30,000 women a year make the choice for an abortion*, so you are not alone. Talking helps with psychological processing and breaks the taboo.
Martine (45) tells her story:
It’s about 21 years ago, but I remember it as if it was yesterday. It was a dreary October day when I had to pee on that stick that helped me out of uncertainty just two minutes later: pregnant. I immediately knew that this was not what I wanted; this was not the future I had envisioned for myself. I didn’t want to take care of a child halfway through my studies. My child, who I would raise with my insanely fun, nice and completely irresponsible partner who partied all night long and most likely did not want to give that up for sleepless nights with a crying baby.
I think my body really wanted this pregnancy, because it happened even though I took the birth control pill. But I had other dreams and aspirations, so the decision to have an abortion was made very quickly. An intake at an abortion clinic was next. The ultrasound showed that I was about 8 weeks pregnant and I was asked - after 15 minutes of humiliating sex ed - if I was sure that I wanted this. Yes, I was completely sure. And so I was sent home to sit out the mandatory 5 days wait time*. In retrospect, I found that one the worst of the whole process. A human being was growing inside me that I did not want. That little person was not aware of anything, it continued to grow and came closer to his or her final goal: to be born.
‘She made my guilt disappear like snow in the sun’
In the meantime, I was so tired, my boobs felt like they could explode and I was nauseous when I was only thinking about food. A week later (sadly, the weekend took place in my mandatory wait time) I went to the abortion clinic in the center of Amsterdam. I was absolutely shaking with nerves. I was greeted and welcomed by the sweetest nurse you can ever imagine. She comforted me and told me a story about unborn souls who would never judge someone else, especially not their would be mother, (she told me that having pour opinions about others was taught, you are not born with that trait) and she made my guilt disappear like snow in the sun. Now, 21 years later, I am still grateful for her.
The procedure itself was… clinical. The doctor went to work without further ado. I was given a local anesthetic, the sweet nurse held my hand, and I was allowed to completely squeeze the life out of hers. I was then taken to a recovery room, given a piece of gingerbread and was outside again an hour later. Shaky and with abdominal pain, but relieved.
I never regretted my abortion. The amazing but completely irresponsible man and I haven’t been together for years. I don’t even want to think about us having a child together. I finished my studies, built up a good career for myself, and met a nice new man who loves being a dad to our two children. I still often think about the baby who didn't come 21 years ago. Strangely enough, he/she is always with me.
Tips of the Cycle psychotherapist
Finally, psychotherapist Cobie Lutters has some tips for women facing the choice to terminate a pregnancy. “Most women who have had an abortion are at peace with it. The reason for abortion, whether it was free choice or you were (forced) to decide, plays a role. Nevertheless, an abortion remains a traumatic experience. Allow it to affect you; that works best for the coping process. Some women get tangled up with themselves because they did not adequately weigh and live through the process earlier. Then, if you do want children later in life and it doesn’t work out, for example, you can have mental health problems with that. It is enormously important that women facing this decision talk about it. This does not necessarily have to be with a therapist, it can also be with a confidant, such as a good friend, your mother, sister, or partner. Do you not have someone close to you that you trust enough to talk about it? Then seek professional counseling. In addition, it is always advisable to put the decision to abort on paper, so that you can always recall later why and how you came to the decision.”
Do you want to read more personal stories about abortion? Cycle spoke with Puck (28) about her abortion experience.
* The legal term of 5 days is no longer applicable nowadays
*Bron: Fiom
