Watch: ‘Mijn seks is stuk’ [‘I lost my lust’]

Feeling of failure

The honeymoon phase of the relationship has passed, and now she doesn’t really feel like it anymore. “It’s a shame, because what is left of a relationship if you can’t even have sex anymore,” she says. Boyfriend Tim also struggles with it. We hear in an intimate conversation the two have in the documentary that he admits to thinking about sex with other women more and more often.

Lize describes in ‘Mijn seks is stuk’ [‘I lost my lust’] the feeling of failure she is left with and she undergoes a physical test to see if she is asexual. Along the way the realization hits her that she has never learned to get to her own desires. “I’ve only ever thought of the desires of others. For me, the desire for sex doesn’t stem from a physical, but from an emotional need: I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. As soon as I have the security of a long-term relationship, the desire is just gone.”

Sex is nothing like what you see in the movies

“Perhaps women in general are told to be pretty and sweet, which are two very serviceable things. But at the same time, the message men get is also so wrong. You have to have a boner, perform, and be in the mood at all times. But in reality, sex is nothing like what you see in the movies.”

Are we too focused on the penis-and-me? There are so many variations of sex that have nothing to do with inserting penises into vaginas. We don’t get the answer in ‘mijn seks is stuk’ [‘I lost my lust’]. However, to us it is still incredibly valuable that Lize dares to speak out about this taboo. The documentary is exactly the breath of fresh air the western world needs to change our view of sex. Vulnerable, pure, and sometimes a little bit embarrassing.