Come, orgasm, come

Getting an orgasm is often seen as the ultimate goal when having sex. But, according to a study done by the Kinsey Institute in 2017, about 66% of women experience this pleasure, which is considerably less than the men, of who 95% enjoys an orgasm when having sex. Um, hello orgasm gap! We do have to say that lesbians have more orgasms, because in 86% of the cases they reach climax. And that’s all thanks to time. Vulva owners have longer sex and focus more on the clitoris. So, it’s not necessarily size that matters, but time that matters. Did you know that it takes on average 20 minutes for a vulva owner to get completely aroused?

Let’s be clear though. There’s nothing wrong with having trouble reaching climax. In fact, one in three women struggles with having an orgasm. Not being able to orgasm also has a name: anorgasmia. You can have primary or secondary anorgasmia. With the first one, you’ve never ever had an orgasm and if you have the second one, you’ve known the pleasure but can’t experience it anymore. But it’s not just that. You also have secondary anorgasmia if you can have an orgasm just fine on your own but you suddenly don’t feel it anymore when you’re with your partner. 

‘Almost 80% of dutch women don’t reach climax without clitoral stimulation’ 

Why is it that some women find it difficult to reach an orgasm? Let’s be real, it’s not that simple to have an orgasm and various things can influence your ability to get one, such as stress, changing hormone levels, medication (antidepressants) or it’s just boring inbetween the sheets. It’s important to know that you’re not the only one. During penetrative sex, almost 80% of women don’t reach climax without some clitoral stimulation. Instead of telling their partner penetration doesn’t do the trick for them, a lot of women choose to fake their orgasm. This makes it all the more difficult to admit at a later stage that you’d prefer a different approach and that your partner’s skills aren’t as good as they thought they were. So, ladies, fake it till you make it doesn’t really work in this situation.

Trouble getting an orgasm? Cycle gave an online class about this topic together with Cycle expert and sexologist Eveline Stallaart. You can watch the recording back here.

A biology lesson

The vagina and the penis come from the same place. In principle, all human embryos develop into females, unless the SRY gene (the sex-determining gene) changes this on the Y chromosome. The SRY protein ensures that the reproductive gland develops into testicles. The testicles in turn produce testosterone, after which the external genitalia develop into male genitalia. Vulva owners basically have the same muscles and nerves in their genitals as penis owners but it never developed further. An erect penis is usually (and not always) a sign that the owner is aroused, but it’s not that noticeable when a vulva owner is aroused. And if a vulva owner doesn’t have enough time to get aroused, it’s kind of like having sex with a flaccid penis and you might feel pain during penetration because the vagina isn’t wet and the vulva isn’t swollen yet. The female orgasm is often seen as a nice side bonus rather than a ‘must’, this is partly due to the fact that a female orgasm isn’t necessary for reproduction, while the male orgasm is. After all, the existence of mankind is mainly because of the ejaculating penis. If there’s no semen, you won’t get pregnant, there will be no children and we -humans- will die out.  A vulva owner can still get pregnant, even if they don’t orgasm during sex.

Do you experience pain during sex? You’re not the only one. Read this article about the possible causes and what you can do about it. You could also watch this video from Cycle expert and sexologist Astrid Kremers. 

‘The orgasm of a woman lasts about 20 seconds, that of a man 6 seconds’

The fact that women generally come less quickly compared to men - the journey to an orgasm takes on average 15 - 20 minutes for women and 7 minutes for men - has nothing to do with the duration and intensity of the orgasm. For example, women can come multiple times in succession while men have to take several breaks in between. In addition, a Danish study shows that the orgasm of a woman lasts about 20 seconds and that of a man 6 seconds. That’s more than three times as long. Just saying.

Would you like to get to know more about your own body and experiment? Or why masturbating is important? You can read about it here.

Does the g-spot actually exist? Read it here.