Sophie and Femke discuss anal sex. Sophie: ‘I don’t want his sperm anywhere near there’
When was the first time you had anal sex?
S: My first time anal sex was when I was 16. Thinking about it now, I feel like that’s way too young. I lost my virginity at 15 and got a boyfriend soon after (not the same boy btw). My first boyfriend had a super high libido, so we had sex all the time. At least three times a day.
F: Must have been tiring.
S: Yeah, super tiring. But I thought that was normal. The type of sex we had was kind of hardcore for that age too.
F: What? Hardcore like in porn?
S: Sounds silly, but yeah. After a while of having ‘normal’ sex he presented a plastic bag from under his bed and emptied it on the covers. I couldn’t believe what I saw: handcuffs, rope, large dildo’s and buttplugs in all kinds of sizes to stretch.
F: Buttplugs? I always thought just lube was fine (did the trick).
S: The buttplugs he had were like these silicone pyramids. Just a buttplug won’t prepare you immediately, though. It took us a whole Sunday afternoon to try it out. First we had sex and then he pushed the smallest one inside.
F: How does it feel to remove them? I can imagine it feels like pooping.
S: Yeah, it’s super weird. For a second it feels like you’re pulling out more than just the buttplug. But that didn’t happen and when I was properly ready I sat (positioned) on top and that didn’t feel all too bad.
F: Did you like it on the first try? Since you kind of did it for him at first.
S: Yeah, I did try for him, but I did immediately like it. Unlike with normal sex, I came on the first try of anal sex. I had never experienced that before. I did feel like I wasn’t supposed to like it, because it goes against your nature. Stuff is supposed to come out, not go in there.
F: But it’s not like you have a g-spot there, right?
S: Haha! No, but he did finger me while I was on top. That doesn’t usually help with normal sex.
F: You don’t orgasm at all?
S: When they go down on me yes, but not with normal penetrative sex. That’s why I started having mostly anal sex, because I knew it would make me come. I do have to take the time to stretch my anal sphincters every time and I can’t go number two for about three days after, because it really burns.
F: Is that because of the sperm?
S: No, the act itself. I don’t want sperm anywhere near there. That goes against my nature. And what about you, what was your first time with anal sex like?
F: Let me think, it was about two years ago. I was drunk and I actually did it for him. It didn’t go smoothly at all and hurt so much. We stopped and I asked my friends for advice.
S: What was their advice?
F: Massage it out!
S: Massage it out? You mean stretching your anus out by massaging a finger in there?
F: It might sound strange, but it works really well. Maybe the idea of having your finger in there is gross at first. But because you’re taking your time massaging it out, you will relax more and then a penis doesn’t seem as daunting.
S: But doesn’t that kill the excitement?
F: No, the idea of having anal sex is exciting enough. And I would usually get fingered while I stretch myself out. (!!)
Do you want to know what you can do if anal sex is painful for you? We wrote an article with the most common causes and what you can do about them.
S: Do you like anal sex? Since you also said you did it more for your boyfriend than yourself.
F: I don’t hate it, but it doesn’t feel like “god, oh god I love this dick in my butt”. I like normal sex a lot more. That strange feeling of still having something in there lasts all day. But maybe you have some tips for a beginner like me?
S: Uhh…Yeah, I would recommend anyone a starter package.
F: Starter package? What would you put in a starter package?
S: Massage oil, red wine - I don’t advise you to get stinking drunk before anal sex, but red wine helps you relax -, lube, lots of patience and buttplugs. If anal sex is one step too far, buttplugs are a great alternative or first step.
We wrote an extensie article with tips to use during anal sex, and the things you can best avoid.
F: Haha! Do you watch anal porn too?
S: No, I do watch porn but not anal porn. That’s not really my thing. I don’t mind the kind where you can see a finger disappear in the butthole every so often. I personally like that during sex. Do you ever let people do that?
F: Yeah, but it does make me kind of uncomfortable. It’s not exactly like his finger smells pleasant after. Have you ever had any accidents during anal sex?
S: Haha! Oh, for sure. One time I let someone come in there, but because his sperm mixed with my poo it came out together. White sheets, brown stains. Even thinking about it now feels awkward. I’m glad my boyfriend didn’t react uncomfortably. He wanted it and those are the risks you have to take.
F: How about anal farts?
S: Yeah no, not okay. It makes sense that you have to fart because of all that pumping. But the way it sounds. Fem, change of subject. You said earlier you don’t really enjoy anal sex, why do you do it anyway?
F: It’s not like I hate it. The idea does make me kind of horny. And it makes my boyfriend happy. Just like going down on me makes me happy, even though he doesn’t like that. But you do like it, right?
S: Yeah, I’m usually the one to bring it up during sex. But it’s still weird that I found out by crossing my own boundaries. I guess that’s part of sex, or we’d all be doing missionary. But thinking about it now, I would have rather discovered it in my own time.
F: In that case there’s a chance you never would have reached an orgasm through penetration until you tried new things on your own.
S: That’s true. Though I do like experimenting, so the chances of me trying anal were probably 99% either way. I also like submissive sex like you see in porn. How do you feel about something like that?
Are you intrigued by BDSM? We interviewed a BDSM dominatrix about her experiences.
F: It really depends on how I’m feeling. I do think it’s the strangest type of submissive sex. It’s just reenacting porn. It can be arousing, but it also makes me feel kind of uncomfortable. If I’m feeling the slightest bit emotionally unstable, I won’t even try. Do you have a favorite position?
S: Yes, cowgirl with tons of lube and no thoughts, head empty. This is the best way for me to control how deep to go, I can look my partner in the eyes and this position is super flattering for my boobs. I feel like you’d be a doggy kinda girl, am I right?
F: Haha! Why would you think that? You’re right, though. If I do anal, I do it doggy style.
S: Would you like to do it more often?
F: Hmm… Yeah, but not weekly or something. Once a year is fine by me.
S: Haha! On his birthday, or what?
F: Not a bad idea.
As requested by the interviewed friends, the names in this interview have been changed.
If you don’t want to do something related to sex or anal sex, don’t do it. Don’t let yourself get pressured into doing things you don’t feel comfortable with.
