Suzan (35) has pms: ‘If you know what you’re going through you’ll be kinder to yourself’

Suzan (35) decided to share with Cycle what it’s like living with this condition.

Besides her job in communcation, Suzan also works as a coach. In her spare time she likes to take photos. She’s easy-going, relaxed, and truly enjoys life. You’d never imagine that this bubbly busy bee turns into an emotional wreck for days on end, every single month. And yet, that’s exactly what’s happening. The cause: premenstrual syndrome (PMS).

Depressive feelings, anxiety attacks, insomnia and lack of energy. These are some PMS symptoms you can suffer from. The symptoms can get so incredibly severe that they disrupt your day to day life. Suzan has suffered from PMS since she was thirteen. After what feels like a lifetime she finally has the condition somewhat under control. ‘I’m kinder to myself now that I know the symptoms are only temporary.’ 

Umbrella term 

PMS is actually an umbrella term for symptoms that occur during the second half of the menstrual cycle. The moment you get your period the symptoms disappear as if they were never even there. It’s assumed that hormonal fluctuations are causing these symptoms, but it has never been actually scientifically proven. In fact, there are not a lot of people that know about the condition which makes getting a diagnosis very difficult. 

“I had just entered pubertiy when I got my first period  and it was very intense right off the bat. I experienced panic attacks and sometimes I started crying uncontrollably. My mom prepared me as best as she could for the practical side of the menstrual cycle, but I didn’t know anything about hormones or mood swings. For a long time I thought I was struggling so much because I was going through puberty. I also didn’t really talk about it with my friends because everyone struggles with puberty.. But it turns out that it was all connected to my cycle after all.”

It was when Suzan turned eighteen that she reallygot sick.She suffered from burnout and developed an anxiety disorder. “The fear was always looming over me, but it was striking that once a month the anxiety just got ten times worse. It would feel as if I was standing on the edge of a 1000 meter high tower, but there was no fence and I could fall any moment. Sometimes I couldn’t even bring myself to go to the supermarket, I felt so afraid. For a week every month the depressive thoughts were so strong that I thought: ‘I don't want this life anymore.’ But at the same time, the thought of dying made me paralyzed with fear. There was a war raging in my head that didn’t make any sense and it was exhausting.”

society doesn’t take menstrual symptoms seriously

Suzan’s GP told her that there was nothing they could do and that she had to learn to live with these symptoms. She has seen many professionals over the years, but even after 15 years Suzan still hasn’t gotten an official diagnosis. “It makes me sad that our society doesn’t take menstrual symptoms seriously. My current GP acknowledges I have PMS during appointments but according to the medical records there’s still nothing wrong with me.”

It’s unbelievable that getting a diagnosis for PMS is so difficult in this day and age. Fortunately, this undesirable situation seems to be slowly changing. At the beginning of 2019, for example, researchers at the Radboud UMC started looking into severe menstrual symptoms. The aim: to finally talk openly about these symptoms, to better identify the symptoms, and to be able to treat women better.

“The day I get my period, the fog in my head lifts up”

Despite these studies, it becomes clear during the conversation with Suzan that there is still a long way to go. “Even my own brother laughs at my pain and thinks I’m just being hysterical. I wish he could understand how I feel. Women also hardly talk about it with other women. It's like a big part of my life is not allowed to exist. I think it would be nice if we could be a little more open and kinder to each other. Especially amongst women, let's support each other and be there for each other.”

Suzan now has her PMS pretty much under control. “I can manage it now. I eat healthy and go to bed on time. I make sure I have more me-time in my PMS week, so that I can rest properly. For example, I allow myself to stay in bed for a day, or to cry if it feels right. Now that I know more about PMS, it’s easier to put things into perspective. I can count down the days until I feel good again and that gives me peace of mind. The day I get my period, the fog in my head suddenly lifts and I am myself again.”

An eye-opener was Flo's menstrual and cycle calendar, an app in which Suzan keeps track of everything around her cycle. “For example, through this app I know that my cycle lasts 33 days one month and 27 days the next. That's because my left and right fallopian tubes behave differently. Insights like these allow me to anticipate how I’ll feel on certain days.”

Suzan believes that her hormonal balance is finally settling down after all this time. But even so, PMS still hasn’t disappeared from her mind and life. “I would love to have a baby. But what happens to my PMS when I’m pregnant? or after childbirth? Some women don’t experience any PMS symptoms during pregnancy and some have the worst time of their life because of PMS. That scares me, because I never want to feel that anxious and vulnerable again.”

PMS, some facts

90% of women of childbearing age have problems with their menstrual cycle. 5% don’t experience any symptoms and 3 to 5% experience such severe symptoms that it is impossible to live your normal day to day life.

The most obvious explanation seems to be the decrease in the amount of progesterone in the blood. This female sex hormone, together with the hormone estrogen, regulates your menstrual cycle. It plays a role in the production of stress hormones and adrenaline.

PMS is the umbrella term for a long list of symptoms. Besides the psychological symptoms mentioned in detail in this article, Suzan also experiences joint pain, painful breasts, weight gain and more. You can read about other symptoms that fall under the umbrella term PMS down below.

Suzan’s PMS tips. How you can keep it under control:

• It’s not rare to experience pain or other symptoms during your menstrual cycle, but if you’re in so much pain you can’t go to school or work you should go visit your GP. 

• Reach out and ask for help. Make sure you have people who can help you. It’s nice when someone tells me it’s gonna be okay when I’m all wrapped up in my own head.

• Explain to the people close to you that PMS is something different than just not feeling well because you’re about to get your period.

• Also let them read about PMS, this way they’ll get a better understanding of your situation.

• Keep track of your cycle and everything around it. This way you gain insight into what’s happening in your body. You can do this, for example, with the menstrual and ovulation app Flo. Note: Flo has sold user data to third parties in the past. Whether this is still the case is unknown, but keep this in mind!

Physical symptoms PMS

• Joint pain

• Muscle pain

• Back pain

• Bloating

• Sore and tense breasts

• Water retention (e.g. in hands and feet)

• Weight gain

Psychological symptoms PMS

• Lethargy or lack of energy

• Mood swings

• Irritability

• Crying fits

• Anger

• Insomnia

• Lack of focus

• Feelings of fear or anxiety

• Depressive feelings and thoughts