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Taking the backdoor: Everything you need to know about anal sex

3 min read
Cycle Care

Approved by

Eveline Stallaart - Sexologist
Taking the back entrance, butt sex, going Greek or reverse parking. There are plenty of words for it: anal sex! There’s definitely still a taboo around anal sex. So, we’re here to talk about it and break that taboo!

Should you use an anal douche before your partner penetrates you in the back? Which position is best to start with? How deep should it go? Can you get an STI from anal sex? Will you be able to come from butt sex? And can you still poop or will your anus have the necessary hemorrhoids afterwards. We’re here to give you the answer to all those questions. 

Anal douche 

Your intestines have a length of twelve meters so there’s quite some room for food remains (read: poop). That’s why it’s recommended to rinse your rectum with water before embarking on a Greek adventure. You can use an anal douche for this but an enema also helps you avoid unpleasant suprises during or after sex. This way you don’t have to worry so much and you can feel more relaxed. No anal douche or enema at home? Don’t worry, a cup of strong coffee also works wonders for doing a number two.


The position you’re in - especially the first time - can make all the difference. To make the reverse parking as painless as possible, spooning is definitely a recommended position. When you’re spooning, your partner also has their hands free to give some love and attention to your breasts and clitoris. This is important because a woman usually can’t come from just anal sex. But, in combination with clitoral stimulation you can definitely have a more intense orgasm. For the more experienced butt players among us, doggy style is a position we highly recommend. This position gives your partner the freedom to pleasure you even more, by stroking your nipples and/or stimulating your clitoris. Do you like it rough, as in really hard and deep? Then consider pushing yourself off against the wall for an even more intense penetration.

Don’t push it!

Each body is different and it differs for everyone how deep you can insert the penis or sex toy. Our expert, sexologist Eveline Stallaart, advises you to slowly penetrate the anus, especially if it’s your first time. You’ll tighten your sphincter if you don’t and, trust us, you don’t want that, it’ll ruin all the fun. Try to consciously relax yourself in order to ‘get used’ to the fact that something is coming in from behind. You should take plenty of time for foreplay. Also don’t be afraid to use a sex toy to make yourself as aroused as possible. Being aroused makes your body feel more relaxed. And yes, that also includes your sphincter. 

Do you want to get used to penetration? Maybe you could consider using an anal dilation set to slowly get used to the feeling. 

STI alert

Anal STIs don’t exist, right? Wrong! Sorry to burst your bubble, but unfortunately you can also get an STI from anal sex. That’s why you should always use a condom. Are you getting tired of taking it in the backdoor and do you want to use the front door again? You can switch it up but always make sure to use a new, clean condom. Your butthole is a source of bacteria and trust us, you don’t want those bacteria in your vagina. Want to know which condom is most suitable? You should definitely not go for the ultra-thin condoms because they tear faster. Read all about the types and sizes of condoms here.

Lube it up

To prevent problems with your butt, it’s highly recommended to use a good amount of lube. But only use it when you’re already aroused. You get relaxed when you’re aroused but you won’t get wet in the right place because the anus isn’t self-lubricating. You have to lend nature a hand and it can become very painful if you don't, so lube it up. You’re here for a good time, not a painful time. 

Sex talk

Last but(t) not least: Communicate! Let your partner know what you like. But what’s even more important is talking about your boundaries. Is doggy-style usually your favorite position, but do you have the feeling the penis or dildo is coming back out through your nose when doing anal? Stop. Sex should be a fun, exiting and thrilling experience. If this is not the case then there’s something wrong. Make sure to talk about it with your partner and find out what does work for you and your pleasure. 

Does it hurt when you have anal sex? Pain is a sign to stop and we advise you to listen to this signal. Do you want to know more tips on how to make sure it doesn't hurt? Read our useful tips here.

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Cycle is a community where all aspects of the female body are discussed freely. From menstruation to menopause: we'll help you understand your body, mind, cycle and sexuality better, with the help of our Cycle Experts.